>>>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<<<<<<<
>>>> Deep Thoughts of the Child that dwells in my Heart ~~~~~
>>>>~~~~~~ May I find Guidance and Innocence ~~~~~~~
>>>>>>>>>~~~~ In a world that tars the Good ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>>>>>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<<<<<<<<<<

=======================================>>
>>>>> Final Thoughts >>>>>>
==================================>>

Bad Habits...Die...Hard. Seriously,... bad language, stupid addictions like smoking (not me of course but other people) or compulsively eating all are a pain to get rid off. I have heard from wise people that if you can control yourself sincerely for 40 days straight, the force of your addictions will go away... but I'm guessing you gotta be determined and focused all the way--- just like the phrase: If there is a will, there is a way...hmm...interesting. So my addictions: occasional bad language, some anger, compulsive eating (when stressed), acting emotionally need to be fixed. I need to be firm... like a Guardian protecting with dignity and honor, with a sword! Yeah!... I shall work towards that day! Protecting my family, my friends and everyone under justice, humility, compassion, and truth. How I'll pave the path is unknown but that is my newest goal in life. I pray for this success. I pray for your habits to go away and you reach the heights you've always dreamed of.

Finally, I came online (Meebo) today... and maybe my eyes and/or my perspective is deceiving me. A girl special to me was on...and just when I appeared online, to perhaps start a little conversation which I'd hope would end with her going to sleep, a few seconds later, she suddenly went offline. Coincidence? Probably, but sometimes...does it seem she's evading me, or am I reading to much into it. What does she actually feel about me? Was she joking at me the few days ago we spoke after months? Or was she actually telling me something...different?

There is little hope if she loves me, even if I love her, because we are in a situation impossible for peace: family-wise, beliefs-wise (religion), although we seem similar in our passion and compassion with the world and the beauties that lie within it, and the problems yet to be solved. Even if she were to convert in the 2 years time, it may just as well end the same way as with her, the pure evidence, aside from so many family evidence that it's better to marry someone with more experience in the religion to ensure a truthful follower in the path of righteousness one chooses to follow. She is the only one left in my heart who makes me more hesitant to accept another women for marriage (though I will force myself if I must without hesitation) in the future. She is the only women I still ask and ask myself again... the "What if?". Too shy to tell my family from the disadvantage, and the border of defense--- this Internet, my only source of communication with her--- because I cannot figure out a way to meet with her which will not pain her and her family (I always consider that) and because I don't have permission I suppose, it all looks...bad.

She made me shake nervously and almost cry when she said that maybe I'd have to be her prince on a white horse. I don't understand. I still can't figure which path I must take. Must I say Good Bye as I've initially planned, what will it's consequences do, or should I say it another way, OR, should I keep the door open for her even when the chances of success being almost none, including her loving me.... Heh... I even made a project for her when we first met, and it's not even complete yet. When it does, a new step must await as well.

Sometimes, I question if I'll ever get married... for sometimes, I criticize that I should be alone as punishment for past wrongs or something. I just want to be a Guardian and see people grow up happily and safe. That seems to be my duty in this world and should end as being a Protector. Lot's of work to be done...

Thanks for those who've been reading my journals, I appreciate it, a lot, and I hope my constant philosophizing and over-elaborate details don't leave you hanging.

Take care, and may peace and blessings always be with you, your family and peers. Do good always, and follow the right path with sincerity.

=========================================
~~~~~~~~DECLARATION OF GUARDIANSHIP~~~~~~~
>>>>>>~~~ I vow to live my life a Guardian of Good ~~~~~
>>>~~ Protect the Innocent and encourage Innocence~~~~~~
>>>~ Follow the Five Pillars in Honor, Humility and Dignity~
>>~ Destroy all wrong habits, encourage all good habits~~~~~
>> Support those in need with all my skills and money~~~~~~~
>>>~ Passing and walking the message in all aspects~~~~~~
>>>>>>>>>~~~~ I give up my life in this path~~~~~
>>>>>>>>>>>>>~~ My life unimportant~~~~
>>>>~ But to serve righteousness without a care of death~~~
>>>>>>>>~~~ I sign this contract with my Heart ~~~~
>>>>>>>>>>>>~~~ I am Hisaam Hashim ~~~~
>>>>>>>>>>>>~~~ Guardian with my Life ~~~

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